A 32-year-old woman recently opened up about facing difficulties in her arranged marriage only a few months after tying the knot. She described her relationship as a cycle of control, manipulation, and family pressure that began just days after her wedding.
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In a post shared on the subreddit, r/InsideIndianMarriage, on September 5, the woman, questioned her decision to marry, and revealed, “I got married in December last year in India through arranged marriage. Since then, there have been constant fights and zero compatibility,” adding that her husband is “controlling, manipulative, narcissistic, and frequently gaslights me.”
‘Why did I marry?’
The woman shared in the Reddit post that she and her family considered the marriage promising as she and her husband worked in the US, and he appeared “respectful, cultured, and very traditional” before the wedding. However, just a few days after the wedding, the fights began.”
According to her, the conflicts ranged from insecurity to constant taunts, with her husband complaining, “You always compete with me.” When asked how, he responded, “Because you answer me back or argue instead of keeping quiet.”
Moreover, with time, the accusation grew serious when she went out alone, as her husband would accuse her of cheating sometimes jokingly, and other times with serious words like, ‘Pata nahi kahan sone jati hai (Don’t whom she is sleeping around with),’ which led to huge fights.
The disparity between their family backgrounds also became a source of tension. “He feels I have a lot of head weight about my family wealth, and that’s where I get my attitude or ego,” she said.
Intimacy, instead of bringing them closer, worsened the strain. “I am not physically attracted to him,” she admitted. “After every single time we get intimate, he spends several minutes complaining that I don’t match his level of affection. He constantly whines and criticises everything I do or wear.”
Family pressure
The situation worsened when his family intervened and visited the couple’s home in the US without informing the woman. “When I greeted them, they didn’t even acknowledge me.” Feeling mentally drained, she left her job abroad and returned to India.
When she stayed in India, her in-laws made multiple attempts to call her back, and the attempts at reconciliation only deepened her confusion. She said her husband even tried to emotionally blackmail her father into convincing her to return. After she refused, he blocked her family. However, months later, her in-laws reached out again, saying they wanted to “make things right.”
Now, her parents are pressuring her to make things right. “They say he only has temper issues, that once he gets emotionally attached to me, things will improve. They keep saying divorcing will ruin my future, that I already married late, and it will impact my siblings’ marriages,” she explained.
Caught between societal judgment and personal wellbeing, she admits she feels “trapped, scared of divorce stigma, and confused.” Lastly, she asked Reddit, “Do men actually change once they become more attached to their wives, especially considering all this happened within just 3 months of marriage? Given that he is an only child with heavy parental interference and that his parents want to live with us long-term, what should I do?”
What advice did Reddit have for the woman?
Reddit strongly advised the woman to talk away from the marriage and choose her mental peace and career over everything else. One user warned, “Just remember that your parents won’t be the ones spending the rest of their lives with this POS.”
Someone wrote, “Divorce. Don’t even think twice.”
Another advised the woman, “OP, this is a very insecure narcissistic man, and one cannot have any sort of relationship with such a person.”
A Reddit user wrote, “I can’t even imagine my husband saying ‘pata nhi kaha sone jaati hai’. Like that’s the lowest thing you can say to your partner.”
“Looks like a red forest rather than a red flag. Please save yourself,” someone wrote.
A user advised the woman to respect herself enough to “walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows, or makes you happy.”
“100% leave. ‘Kahaan sone jaati hai’ is not a family-oriented, sanskari person. File for divorce and never look back. Hopefully, you can come back to the US and start working again, as you shouldn’t have to leave your dreams for this man.”
A Reddit user wrote, “Walking away will be the hardest step, but staying will destroy you slowly.”
What should the woman do?
The woman needs to seek therapy with a licensed psychologist or counsellor to process the trauma, build emotional resilience, and manage the guilt and pressure from family. She also must reestablish her career in the US and gain financial independence. Additionally, she needs to recognise that patterns of control, insecurity, and gaslighting rarely change without deep, voluntary therapy on the part of the abuser—and even then, change is uncertain.
Note for readers: This article reflects the individual’s account and public reactions. It is not professional advice. Readers should seek professional guidance when faced with relationship and mental health issues.
This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
