In a relationship, it is very important that we share moments when we feel the joy of being together. Moments of having fun and being silly with the partner adds to connection and intimacy in the relationship. “When having fun and laughing with our spouse, we can easily work through the tensions that arise or the disagreements we face. It’s fairly easy to take responsibility for what we miss and ask for forgiveness. However, when we aren’t consistently having fun and laughing with each other, tensions or disagreements get big and stressful. They cause a lot of irritation and hurt,” wrote Couples Coach Julia Woods.
ALSO READ: Behaviors that block intimacy in a relationship
Reasons why we stop having fun in relationship:
Unresolved conflicts: Contrary to popular beliefs, conflicts in a relationship are healthy as they help to understand the changes and perspectives of the other person. However, sitting on the conflict for days or worse, never addressing the emotions, can lead to frustration and resentment in the relationship.
Judgements: Often in a relationship, we do not want to be judged – we just want to feel heard, seen and understood. When the partner starts to judge us for everything that we do, we can feel criticised and scrutinised for everything, making us feel uncomfortable.
Contempt: When the bitterness and frustration in the relationship starts to build up, it can lead to contempt. This further makes us feel that we are superior to the partner. When we start seeing the partner as someone beneath our standards, we are unable to have fun in the relationship.
Excuses: When contempt and resentment start to build up in the relationship, we often make excuses to stay away from each other. One of the commonly used excuses in such situations is that we are too busy to spend time together. The truth is that we do not make time for our partner anymore.
Rules: We start to make rules in the relationship, restricting us from having fun or being silly together. As we keep sticking to the rules, it robs us of the joy of togetherness.
